There's this guy, Mike Wittmer, whom I hardly know. Michael E. Wittmer, B.A., M.Div., Th.M., Ph.D., associate professor of historical and philosophical theology, to be precise. He lives in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and I'm trying to think of reasons you should not hold that against him, but I got nothin'. He attended Cedarville and he teaches at Grand Rapids Theological Seminary. That, of course, is damning evidence in every state of the union. And I ask you, dear reader, is not the name Mike Wittmer itself more than a little sinister? Whisper that name in a dark place and just see if you don't shiver.

Anyway, he's got this boatload of his own books in the car with him, he's "assessing his motives", and he starts wondering if they will raise his profile. I'm guessing they will if he stands on them.

All of the books are apparently called Don't Stop Believing, and every one purports to offer a third way through the postmodern culture wars. That right there is suspicious; then I recall that he lives in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and things become somewhat clearer.

His book was not actually reviewed on emergentvillage.com, but it was commented upon by the (and please don't laugh) "Kingdom Journalist", Steve Knight:

"While I love the title of the book for it's cleverness and 1980s nostalgia factor, I question it's overall premise."

I don't know if I personally question it's [sic] overall premise or not; I'm just wondering who should send Steve Knight, Kingdom Journalist, a copy of The Associated Press Stylebook and Libel Manual, or at least a photocopy of the entry labeled "it's, its".

(So congrats on the title, Dr. Wittmer, if not on the overall premise.)

But he, Wittmer, asks "what do you like about emergent?"

I like to think of myself as the most positive person my wife ever married, so I'm going to take a stab at some answers.

Here's what I like about emergent:

1. I like that the emergent movement contains amitcher flossfers, aspiring journalists and storytellers: our sermons will not lack for humorous illustrations.

2. I like that emergents had the foresight to enlist Trucker Frank as an example: I can think of no other Christian sect which sought credibility by featuring a member of the trucking community.

3. I like that emergents are not theologians: theologians have enough to answer for.

4. I like that emergents are heretical: they will contrast nicely with orthodoxy.

5. I like that emergents believe they are artistic: they will blend seamlessly with the fundagelical crowd.

6. I like that emergents take such an accommodating stand on deviant sexuality: they can provide a transition ministry for men like Ted Haggard and Ray Boltz.

7. I like that emergents don't believe in Hell: this will make for a nice surprise.

These are just a few of the things I like.