Remonstrans

Communication Skills

04/24/09

06:28:08 am, by dissidens

, 440 words, 975 views

Categories: Old Main

Communication Skills

In following the emergence (or "rollout", as it was interestingly called) of the Northland International Overarching Entity, I was impressed with the sheer professionalism of it all. It was slicker than snot on a glass doorknob. It was motivated, in the words of the president of the Northland International Overarching Entity, by "better communication".

We are all for better communication, but we don't see merely changing our name as the soul of eloquence either; so we are taking this opportunity to remind all our readers of the many non-changes that are taking place daily at Remonstrans and to reiterate our unwavering commitment to the same old same old.

See what others are saying about Remonstrans:

"Here in the 21^st Century it is vital that Remonstrans advances, moves forward, becomes aggressively global and stays pretty much what it always was. Our fervent prayers are with you!"

Dr. Basil Elderflower
Founder and Director, Backwoods Globalism

"Remonstrans has a passion for the long-term outreach of entering global doors via global entities. The vision and global implementation of this canopy in the darkness, this parasol in the encroaching shadows, is a testimony to a kind of strategic thinking that is biblically rooted, missionally inspired and visionally visionary. A bold initiative has been taken not to change even a little bit."

Dr. Phil Burke
Pastor, Inexpressibly Dreadful Independent Baptist Church

"Never has remaining in one place been so forward-thinking. No place is more globally visionary than Remonstrans."

Dr. Joey Calishart
Oberkommander, Wasteland Hymns

"They are quite the vision casters over there at Remonstrans. I anticipate many more years of watching them stay exactly where they were when they started."

Dr. Cicely Bogtrotter
Teaching Pastor, Precious Moments Memorial Chapel

"Shiver me timbers. Not since I was a cabin boy on the high seas have I ever lowered me eyeballs on such an overwhelming horizon of global forwardthinkingness.

Aaargh!!!"

Dr. Tommy Evinrude, III
Executive Vice President, Pirates of the Apocalypse

"I'm excited to watch these ever-growing ministries not change. I will always enjoy rubbing shoulders with people not going anywhere (no matter how many strange looks we get)."

Dr. Chuck Huffenpuffer
Department of Theatrical Catastrophes, Mumbojumbo Evangelism

"I have forever been impressed with the fact that Remonstrans never moved an inch. That place makes a fire hydrant look fidgety. In a world that is always changing, Remonstrans now has unprecedented opportunities to stay the same."

Dr. Billy Bob Shmuckhausen
President, Last Wheeze Seminary

"Remonstrans is striving to better articulate what it has already become."

Dr. Ed Wallapalloo
Pastor, Yeehaw Bible Tabernacle

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1 Comment from: the divine passive [Visitor]

NIU should team up and write a psalm about themselves for posterity. Some later redactor could add the front matter:

"For the choir director; on the cacophone and the electric huckaloogie. A psalm of gibbering and delusions of grandeur, most likely because the author was off his meds and had read too many 'how to' manuals. For the occasion of bewilderment at the prospect of plugging things in and having them spew indecipherable information rapidly."

Such a psalm would no doubt communicate better from the stage than from the inevitable T-shirt it would be printed on.

Permalink 04/24/09 @ 09:43

Reply to comment 6117 by the divine passive

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2 Comment from: dissidens [Member]

For now I think it is best that the Northland International Overarching Entity stick to the T-shirt distribution and leave the psalm-writing to their betters.

Permalink 04/24/09 @ 14:40

Reply to comment 6118 by dissidens

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3 Comment from: Unk [Visitor]

The bit about the cacophone, divine passive, reminded me of a series of special services which featured this chap: http://www.bbcwccs.org/kenlynch/. At that time he featured a theremin, but it looks like musical glasses are as wild as it gets nowadays. The history of it (the theremin, that is) in Wikipedia says it was invented by Russians. One wonders whether communist associations weren't responsible for its retirement from the ministry.

Permalink 04/24/09 @ 20:54

Reply to comment 6119 by Unk

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4 Comment from: Todd Mitchell [Visitor]

· http://www.firstbaptistgranitefalls.org

I am impressed by the agility of their marketing department. As Fundamentalism collapses, the demand for Fundamentalistic services drops; combined with our economic depression, only the most competitive institutions will survive.

This might do the trick for Northland in the current market cycle. As demand for their distinctive competence ("campy" is how alumni have described it to me) drops, they have limited options. They can shift into a new market, offer a different product, and/or invest in a new marketing campaign. Judging from the letter I've just opened ("BREAKING NEWS" it says), it appears they've simply chosen the latter. That's a good business decision on their part, since it offers the best short-term ROI, and there isn't enough money right now to do anything else (even if they wanted to). Outsourcing for just a few bucks, they've bought some slick marketing materials that make it look like they really are offering a new product (for as long as the materials look new).

It really is slick marketing. The logo should improve brand recognition in their target market, and the viral video will no doubt achieve greater penetration in that market segment, or "constituency." This gambit may well secure greater market share for them.

I think we can expect to see new marketing campaigns, designed to meet this threat, from Northland's competitors.

Permalink 04/25/09 @ 09:59

Reply to comment 6120 by Todd Mitchell

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5 Comment from: dissidens [Member]

My dear Pastor Mitchell:

I think you have hit the nail on the head and have driven it in one blow.

There is another fundamentalist college now going through violent spasms. It has repudiated long-held scruples and has enraged both faculty and staff. One person (and another who ought to know) is under the impression that—to date—not a single Bible faculty member has yet signed a contract.

I spoke with the president of this organization and was informed that the school’s mission had changed. It is no longer a school based on “white students from three states”. It staggers the imagination to learn that the absolute truths this institution laid on the conscience of its students were pertinent only to white students from three states!

(I told a family member that I have spoken to crazy people before, but only during visiting hours.)

I think what you say is both true and unavoidable. It is too late to rein these clowns in. I don’t think another movement can help and I don’t think reason can be imposed on these intellectually handicapped men.

As you say, I think we are seeing the future.

We had better gather our wits in the gloaming.

P.S. I don't share your expectation that their ploy will succeed. But it will be interesting to watch these people--how shall I say--uncoil.

Permalink 04/25/09 @ 19:53

Reply to comment 6121 by dissidens

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6 Comment from: Todd Mitchell [Visitor]

· http://www.firstbaptistgranitefalls.org

I have been mulling this over, and something went CLICK with that last metaphor.

I'm not so sure that Fundamentalism is collapsing so much as molting, shedding its skin. It is in essence a populist movement, and as such has never stayed the same for very long, nor will it ever. So what seems like a collapse is probably just growth.

Or to use a different metaphor, metastasis.

Permalink 04/28/09 @ 09:45

Reply to comment 6122 by Todd Mitchell

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7 Comment from: dissidens [Member]

Todd:

That’s an interesting point.

I think I agree with you (which isn’t very important), but I wonder if you agree with you (which is much more interesting).

By definition metastasis is a secondary cancerous growth transmitted by the circulatory or lymphatic system from a primary cancerous growth. If the metaphor works, then this “change of mission” buncombe we are hearing in every corner is essential to the movement and we are merely seeing the most recent—and most offensive—manifestations of it. There certainly is some evidence for that, but it sure throws this “fundamentalism-as-idea” and “fundamentalism-as-movement” into a spooky light.

If the things this school taught (and imposed on others’ conscience) were in fact absolute truths and constant guides for behavior, then they were not just for “white students from three states”. If dress codes and degenerate music now change to accommodate diversity, then they were lying and their harshest critics were the most perceptive ones.

It all makes one wonder what the primary cancerous growth was and invites one to speculate on the circulatory or lymphatic systems.

Permalink 04/28/09 @ 11:07

Reply to comment 6123 by dissidens

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8 Comment from: the divine passive [Visitor]

In my limited experience (four years in a fundamentalist college), BJU seemed to produce the worst of the worst.

Most of my teachers were BJU grads. Not every teacher I had from there was awful, but several of them were ignorant, prejudiced, poorly read, unable to discern, and of specious credibility. Some of them recognized that they were poorly trained and would not recommend the school, but the damage was done by that point.

I wouldn't presume to say that my experience solves the mystery at hand, but BJU is a geyser of sub-mediocrity.

Permalink 04/29/09 @ 21:05

Reply to comment 6124 by the divine passive

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9 Comment from: dissidens [Member]

dp:

Do you think they set out to be sub-mediocre and succeeded beyond their wildest imagination, or did they aim high and shoot low?

This is at least one of the lessons you [we] ought to take from this. What accounts for the current state of affairs among people who pride themselves on their attempt to “hold fast to the faith once delivered to the saints”?

Permalink 04/30/09 @ 05:54

Reply to comment 6125 by dissidens

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10 Comment from: Todd Mitchell [Visitor]

· http://www.firstbaptistgranitefalls.org

It appears you understand my point correctly, Dissidens.

Permalink 05/01/09 @ 06:03

Reply to comment 6126 by Todd Mitchell

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11 Comment from: dissidens [Member]

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity.

Permalink 05/01/09 @ 06:31

Reply to comment 6127 by dissidens

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12 Trackback from: Lower Wisdom [Visitor]

Electric Guitars? God Forbid!
I recently discovered a blog named Remonstrans, maintained by someone using the handle Dissidens.Â Dissidens has a keen nose for idolatry, as do many of his commenters, so I am pleased as punch to have found the blog.
When I first began reading his po...

Permalink 05/28/09 @ 21:42

Reply to comment 6168 by Lower Wisdom

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Communication Skills

04/24/09

Communication Skills

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