A recent harangue of the brethren was delivered at a place most appropriately called "The Wilds"—and for which nothing remotely like an apology has yet been detected.  This "message" has produced grubby strife and soapy pontifications, so in that sense I suppose we could say it was a success except that the haranguer began by expressing some incoherent desire to be respected by younger preachers who are now falling under the sway of less—ummm—"intense" pulpit personalities.

The man clearly has an ironic streak.

I am virtually certain that no good will come of it. I am so convinced of this that I would be willing, if Las Vegas could set the odds, to bet my worldly all on it. I could finally close on that luxury home in an enchanted forest I promised my wife.

I actually recommend against attending the theater and getting tattoos, but since some of you will do both anyway I'd like to suggest that all you fundamentalists get at least two tats. Across the back of the fingers of your right hand you should apply the letters F E A R. On your left forearm you might consider an artful rendering of Mr. Moe Howard. Why quibble about what is a mote or what is a beam if instead you can just poke your fingers in your brother's eye in the manner so humorously depicted by Messrs. Larry, Curly and Moe?

No sweat, right?

About a score of great, formative voices have shaped my thinking. Some of those were preachers. One was Edmund Clowney, another was Alan Redpath. Alan Redpath believed that the most discerning question you could put to any issue was, "What is happening in this place that cannot be explained in merely human terms?"

So for the more cerebral/spiritual clergymen desirous of a tattoo, I suggest that question might be placed on the inside of the left hand for easy reference. "What is happening in this place that cannot be explained in merely human terms?" The text could be transfixed by a Cupid's Arrow if you so choose.

But of course I don't want to offer too many attractive options because I don't advise tats in the first place.

So to return to the topic: what follows is the "official" retort—or response, rather—of Dr. Vaughn, president of the fellowship that sponsored the conference, the fellowship which invited its speakers and the fellowship which takes money from its Calvinist and non-Calvinist members for questionable services rendered.

There has been a lot of interaction and discussion over the past few days related to fundamentalism, Calvinism, and how men who disagree with one another ought to express those disagreements. The FBFI has always included both Calvinists and non-Calvinists because we recognize that godly men can agree with one another on the fundamentals of the faith while disagreeing with one another in this area. In any disagreement, we must represent one another fairly and treat one another charitably. To make this a test of fellowship among fundamentalists has not been the position of the FBFI and will not be our position.

The only way we can maintain unity on the fundamentals of the faith is if we learn how to express our disagreements on other points in a way that does not damage that fellowship through unbiblical communication. We must honor our biblical responsibility to use speech that edifies and displays Christ-like love. We must demonstrate an unwavering commitment to humble integrity. Caricatures and personal attacks do not honor the Lord or advance His work. Neither pulpit nor keyboard exempt us from these biblical obligations.

I love the passivity in that first statement. "There has been a lot of interaction and discussion...", he says looking around innocently. Who knows where this comes from, how it caught on, or what foul resentment it signifies? These things are certainly a mystery to us! And by the way, we also believe men should be represented fairly and treated charitably. What all is going on out there is of deep concern to us.

Uhhh, yah, dude. Thanks for clarifying your position for us. Most helpful.

So here we have the provocateur(s) now telling everyone about fairness, charity, the advancement of the Lord's work, and biblical obligations.

Fundamentalists wonder why their star is in retrograde? No public statement is offered which is to the point, and no public statement is made of any private rapprochement. They get to instigate the fight and then scold the belligerents.

Reminds me of the episode where Moe sets the house ablaze and then scolds Larry and Curly for mishandling the fire hose.

Just keep picking at those scabs, brethren.