Emergents aren't quite ready to wear long pants, but they are giving some thought to the day they will have to.

Tripp Fuller is asking for "input" here. He needs your help coming up with a definition. Maybe you can help him out. It is going to be tricky, though. Definitions have a way of nailing down a position to be defended, and, as emergents are always reminding us, defense of doctrine invariably yields schism. There will be no more of this it's-just-a-conversation-don't-get-all-bent-out-of-shape wheeze.

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So, Dear Brother Tripp:

I am reasonably sure that I'm not the sort of person you had in mind when you started scavenging the internet for a description of your movement, but I've been on a good works binge lately and I see in this situation the possibility of getting yet another star in my crown.

So here are some simple tips.

First, try to keep your name out of it altogether. If people notice your name, they might check out your blog and read:

....that is Down Low.  Both Alecia and I's hard drives died within 12 hours of each other so I have been out of action.  With the death of both hard drives went the texts for all my final papers for my first semester in a phd program.  Now that you know all the HBC Deacons out there can rest assured that at the completion of my papers (for the second time) I will be back giving you adequate blogging attention. Tim Conder's podcast is safe on the HBC network and will be reeditied for your listening pleasure soon.

Most guys working on a Ph.D. find a way not to write like that. "Both Alecia and I's hard drives died..." will almost certainly leave readers of the Handbook of Denominations with the impression that you all are a bunch of boogey-eating PBS Kids. You should say instead: "Alecia's and I's hard drives died..." otherwise they may think Alecia is dead.

Second, the less you say about "post-modern philosophy" the less dated you will appear. People who haven't mastered first person possessive pronouns tend not to have a firm grasp of philosophies, especially the out-dated and abandoned ones.

Third, don't submit your definition in all uppercase letters. Mankind has used the lowercase alphabet to pleasing effect since roughly the time of the Carolingian Renaissance. Uppercase text is most useful for short messages on important signs like BEWARE OF DOG or HIPPIES USE SIDE DOOR.

Fourth, I think you do a great disservice to EV by failing to mention the pivotal rôle of Trucker Frank. Meister Schutzwohl's fine work in the field of truck stop evangelism ranks right up there with the ministries of St. Paul, St. Patrick, William Carey and David Livingstone.

Fifth, the hair and beard are just not working. They make you look like one of those balloon twisters at children's parties. While it may be appropriate for your emergent cohort, you need to think of the wider world of religious people.

I could suggest some other improvements but I'm sure you have many more e-mails to read and balloons to inflate.