Word has been leaked to anyone who will listen that the emergents are thinking about planning to sometime possibly come out of their hibernation. We should like to help these emergents by providing a list of suggestions for conducting their Woodstock/picnic/frisbee smackdown/theological conference.

Things To Take To An Emergent Picnic:

Backpacking Lanterns
Bong
Bottle Opener
Corkscrews
Flashlights
Folding Chairs
Hemostats
Insect Repellents
Kool Aid
Paper Cups
Paper Plates
Picnic Basket
Picnic Blankets
Picnic Lunches
Smelling Salts
Sunscreen
Trash Bags
Votive Candles

How To Plan An Emergent Picnic:

• Choose an appropriate venue for your outdoor meal. Nearby parks, rooftops, back alleys, loading docks or crack houses are just a few ideas. You can have an emergent picnic almost anywhere except a police station.
  
  
• Invite someone of a different color to join you. Won't he be astonished? Won't you be astonished if he shows up?
  
  
• Plan a menu based on the number of people anticipated.
  
  
• Deputize some officious person to serve as National Coordinatrix.
  
  
• Collect the necessary equipment. A picnic basket filled with plates, utensils, and cups is recommended, as well as a digital camera so you can Facebook everything about the occasion for your social network.
  
  
• Pack the necessary equipment. Place heavier items on the bottom, lighter items in the middle, and your theological perceptions on the very top.
  
  
• Bring along a picnic blanket and/or folding chairs for your sitting and dining comfort. Also pack flashlights or lanterns for nighttime picnics, or in the event that your designated driver is busy explaining to the police that packet found under his dashboard.

Fun Things To Do At An Emergent Picnic:

Compare tattoos and nose studs.
Sponsor a swearing contest for the children.
While tossing a Frisbee, find a clever way to suggest you've read Jürgen Moltmann.
Have jello-wrestling matches for all the pastorettes.
Compare porn videos.
Inform everyone that you don't have all the answers.
Discuss, as though you knew what you were talking about, HIV suffering in Kenya, human trafficking in Thailand and genocide in Rwanda.
Hug all the trees in the park or highway rest area.
Discuss how U2's new album oozes redemption.
Debate "missional".

Theological Questions To Be Discussed At An Emergent Picnic:

1. Did Adam have a bellybutton?
2. Will we be able to burp in Heaven?
3. Will there be knit caps in the Kingdom?
4. Would the Apostle Paul have driven a Prius?
5. What was King David's carbon footprint?
6. What sort of pet (or animal companion, rather) would Isaiah have had?
7. Does Doug Pagitt have like a black belt in yoga?
8. What is a fair price for a pair of factory-distressed Pilgrim Sandals?
9. What exactly is the connection between resurrection and digestion?
10. Whatever happened to Trucker Frank?