You might have had reason to see some of those TV shows where mental defectives try to ride skateboards off rooftops onto trampolines, or they stand on ladders resting on the very tree branches they are trying to cut down with chain saws, or they ride bicycles backwards down metal handrails set in concrete. If there is ever a time and place in the Christian life for schadenfreude, this must be the time and place. It would be an ungenerous faith for a reader of Solomon to withhold the laughter these fools seem desperate to provoke.

If a person of middling intelligence thinks riding a bike down a handrail is a skill he hopes will someday land him a lucrative position with the circus, he might start out with helmets, mats and spotters; but you don't need to go to that expense if you just want to have fun.

I think the Emergent church is also made up of people hungry for the thrill of stupidity. That is why I think you owe it to them to watch their show: Xtreme Idjits Visit Sparkhouse.

Here you have a movement devoted to "empowerment", and the Jo in JoPa Productions suggests that we disempower the clergy. The Pa in JoPa Productions wants people with a Call (whatever that means...he professes not to know) to get up and do it.

Here's David Huth:

"Ok, here's what I think: We have a chance of sparking new life if those of us who for generations have been blah blah talkin' a hole in God's head can shut up and listen so that those of us who for generations have been silent can stand up off their [sic] asses and speak the truth as they see it, we have a chance."

Pam Heatley tells everyone not to be afraid of chaos. When the Spirit moves, unexpected things happen. We shouldn't be afraid to let the "Spirit move in that chaos moment". Don Heatley wants broader ideas about theology and the Bible to come into our churches. Laura Arp wants us to "light our dreams". Phyllis Tickle wants us to "return to the disciplines". Jay Bakker wants us to be honest with one another. Jake Bouma tells us that biological life is really diverse. Danielle Shroyer wants us to be more imaginative. Kevin Ewing wants us to connect through a service project that creates "a bond that is pretty cool."

Spencer Burke is the bobblehead over at TheOoze; he wants us to "listen to the other voice" and to listen to a few heretics. "There's power in listening to the heretic." Spence believes "all of our orthodoxy started as heresy."

Now I ask you: you are sitting in the large conference room and Phyllis and Laura and Danielle and Pam and Jo and Pa and Jake and Jay are all drinking fair trade coffee around the big table, they've twittered their obscenities to one another, they've listened to other voices, they've conferred with truckers and juvenile delinquents, the spirit of their god has moved in the chaos moment, and now they have just shared with you their dreams for the future of Christianity. What do you do? (I mean what do you do if you're not fortunate enough to have a cyanide capsule in your pocket?)

How do you move ahead with this input? Could you perhaps even prioritize this input? What are you prepared to do with the truth as they see it?

You may think this nightmare is not possible, but that just goes to show you don't understand the postmodern Christian. The new Christians want to sit around and compare journeys and listen to other voices and listen to a few heretics. What we hear these Sparkhouse svengalis saying is exactly what we should expect to hear. They are into community and collaboration; well, this is their community and Phyllis and Laura and Danielle and Pam and Jo and Pa and Jake and Jay are the ones they will be collaborating with.

And if that doesn't make your heart merry, then I just don't think you really want a merry heart.